Every Little Bit Helps

With the price of gas going up and up and up, it seems like everything else in America is going up also. All Americans are starting to feel the crunch and tightening their belts and thinking about what is important to them to spend their hard earned, or disability money on. Here at J.E.'s homestead, we decided since it's just the two of us, that Deb and I wouldn't go out and buy the expensive cuts of meat that we are accustomed too, buying instead of Porterhouse or T-Bone, that we could just as well survive eating a Rib-Eye.

Even History is pitching in. This morning, around 10:00 a.m., while peacefully sleeping with a cool Easterly breeze covering my body, I heard Debbie's voice praising History for something. I crawled out of bed and ventured downstairs to see what was going on. Debbie opened the door to the garage and showed me that History Sugar Hall was helping out the money crunch by bringing home a meal for himself, so we wouldn't have to go out and spend 32 cents on a can of Chicken & Gravy for him. Debbie said that she'll have to go online and find out how to make rabbit stew. How could he have known the importance of savings in times like these. All I can say is what I've been saying for years: He IS the smartest cat of all.

Trip To Our Capital

Since I have to file for S.S., there are a ton of things that have to be filled out, papers obtained, doctor reports from the very first doctor that has seen me for my condition, what they did and their recommendations. So, I had to go to the very first one, have all of this written down in 'Layman's' terms, then go on to the next one and the next one and the next one. While filling out more paperwork, I needed to submit my Birth Certificate. No problem, had one downstairs in the file cabinet that Debbie keeps so current beginning with the first poem that I wrote her. She tells me, "Top cabinet, second drawer, halfway in, labeled Birth Certificates". I go to the basement, and surer than sh-t, there it was, second drawer, halfway in, labeled Birth Certificates. I opened the folder, pulled it out and the folds were stuck together. I lightly pulled them apart and the paper pulled with it, wiping out a portion of my name and birth date. So, to Lansing I go.

I haven't been to the Capital for a few years and not very familiar with how to get there. I can see it in the distance when we go to Stephanie's house, but the One Way streets, dead ends, and everything thing else in that area, are not my cup of tea. But, I had to have that Birth Certificate and to downtown Lansing I go. With the MapQuest route in my hands, I was off, and 35 minutes later WA LA, right to the door. The only thing was that there was only meter parking and I was told on the phone, it would take anywhere from two to four hours, once I filled out the paperwork and I didn't have that many quarters for the meter in my pocket. So, to a parking lot I drove. I walked back to the building, filled out the paperwork and the government employee behind the Plexiglas eating chips and salsa, put down his paperback and told me "That will be $36.00. But the good news - it would only take an hour. Now what to do for roughly sixty minutes in a place that I knew where nothing was at?

After getting my bearings as I left 201 Townsend St., I started heading to the Capital Building to see if Gov. Jenny Granholm wanted to shoot the shit while I was waiting. She was in a meeting and told the receptionist to tell me, that she'd be available in two hours and to wait and we'd go have a drink. Sorry Jen! Don't want to wait around. But, on the steps on the Capital, a ceremony was going on for the start of the Special Olympics which will be taking place in Mt. Pleasant. So, as I stood there listening and scanning the Special Olympians, I knew that in my present condition, I wasn't able to beat anyone of them in a 50 yd dash. But, there would be a 'Hugger' waitng at the end race to embrace me. My luck, it would probably be a 300 pound guy that would pick me up and swing me like a rag doll. Maybe I'll participate in the 'Games' next year if I'm feeling better.

Back at 201 Townsend St., I entered the building about 40 minutes later, checked the status of my certificate and was told it was being printed as we speak. I purchased a luke warm Coke for $1.50, pulled out my new BlackBerry and checked and sent a couple of emails. My name was called, I picked up the paperwork, walked back to my car and was home by 11:30 a.m. I was going to call it a day, but decided to mow the yard instead while it was still somewhat cool out. Once that was completed, I did what I have been doing best - I laid down on the couch and took a nap.

Is There Life After Retirement???

As most of the six people that read this sh-t know, I am now on Long Term Disability or in my mind, Re-F-ing-Tired. Truthfully, and I know that you probably don't believe this, but I'd much rather be working and having something more in my life to do than clean house, cook dinner, do outside work, do the shopping and everything else in the house. Two weeks ago as I was taking the laundry hamper down three flights of stairs to the basement to do ANOTHER load of wash, Deb said to me, "Jim Please! At least let me take care of the laundry and you can do everything else." to which I snickered and thought, "Big deal, I don't have to do laundry, but she's LETTING me do EVERYTHING ELSE." So, I gladly agreed because I really do hate doing laundry. Now, that was two Saturdays ago and that Sunday night guess what I was doing???? Yeah, that's right, laundry. I've gained just a 'little' weight since becoming 'retired' and I only have two pair of jeans that fit from my last 'weight gain' and both were dirty and you know who was too tired to do the laundry that week.

Every morning when Deb gets up to get ready for work, she thinks it's funny to let History into the bedroom to jump in bed with me. He's gotten into this routine of snuggling under my chin and going to sleep. But, before he does that, he has to roll around on my head, sit on my back and purr, roll over on his back for me to rub his stomach and all the little tricks that he knows. It's so bad now that we have to leave a glass of water on the night stand by the bed, because after he jumps into bed and wakes me up, he has to have a drink of water, then puts his head under my chin and falls asleep. Deb thinks it's cute and yes, it was at first, but it's becoming a little ridiculous. Every morning, day, after day, after day.

I have been doing some outside work, but at a slow pace. What should take me a couple of hours, now takes me depending on the task, two days to a week to complete. After one of the trees by my tee boxes fell to the ground during a wind storm, I decided to put in a little flower garden. With the help of Debbie picking out the flowers and bushes, my idea became a reality. It should have taken me a day to complete, but with my back in the condition that it's in, it took me about four days, with a lot of resting in between my 15 -20 minute work sessions. But, it's finished and as I always have said, 'It's good enough for who it's for.'


For Mother's Day, Jennifer and Stephanie gave Deb a nice gift certificate to the Flower Garden in town, and we went out and spent it all. We planted tons of flowers around the house and in pots on the deck area, along with 30 tomato plants next to the shed. Once again, I rested more than I worked. But, with the help of Tiny Drunk Dancer, we finished it up and the yard came together. Wood chips were added to the flower beds and I went back several times to the Flower Garden to purchase more. Next year instead of buying prepared bags, I'll be figuring out how many bags we used and compare that price to the price of having the chips delivered in bulk. Either way, it's a lot of work. But, it does look nice and this year, my tomato plants had better grow. I rotor tilled and mixed manure into the soil, so I'm expecting big things out there compared to last year. Funny thing is, I don't even like tomatoes unless they're in a sauce. I can't even see how people can slice a tomato and put it on bread and eat it.

One thing I have been doing to occupy my time since being retired is, I'm teaching an adult named Ronald how to read. I volunteered at the Adult Education Program in town for a program called, Teach An Adult To Read. I find it so fulfilling and I've been partnered with this amazing man. We now have bonded and he and I sit together three days a week at McDonald's where he works. I must admit he's a fast learning and each week, I bring him new material and he can't wait to get his hands on it. A lot of times though, he's more interested in looking at the pictures, but that will change in time. I know that this retirement project will do both of us a lot of good. I wish you could see how Ronald's eyes light up when he sees me bring a new book or magazine. It would truly warm your heart like it has done mine.

Tennis Shoe Claustrophobia

Debbie, aka, 'Tiny Dancer' (BS From JE - 4/17/08), had injured her foot while dancing crazy drunk on New Year's Eve in Cadillac. After begging her to go to the foot doctor for four months, the pain was finally too much for her and she decided to seek professional help. Enter Dr. Gregory H. Colbert DPM-aka Footman Extraordinaire, located in Charlotte, MI. to the rescue. 'Big Greg' as he liked to be called, told her that yes, he could indeed help her and within a couple of months she'd be walking like a normal person.

On the way to 'Big Greg's' office, Deb said to me, "You know what he's going to say don't you? He's going to want me to get inserts for my shoes and it isn't going to work. My feet will get hot, start to sweat and I'll get claustrophobic and pass out."

"WHAT!", I said looking at her in amazement. "You're telling me that if you wear inserts in your shoes, you'll pass out from the heat? Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

"Yes Damn it. And, l'll also become claustrophobic which will cause me pass out."

I was dumbfounded by the last statement and was about to respond when we pulled into 'Big Greg's parking lot. After a complete examination, he said that she would indeed need inserts and he wanted her to purchase a pair a good tennis shoes to wear. He recommended that we go to Dick's Sporting Goods and purchase a good athletic pair, not some off the shelve brand at Wal-Mart.

Deb told him that she hated wearing tennis shoes and she had a pair of Keds that she's probably worn at least twenty times in the past ten years and proceeded to tell him about getting claustrophobia and passing out. After his laughter subsided and he picked himself up off the floor, he told her to go out and buy a tennis shoe that would support her feet properly and not to worry. She shot me a look that said, "I told you so." and we left the office. We went to Dick's, bought a pair of expensive tennis shoes, Big Greg put in the inserts, she's worn them for the past three days and hasn't passed out once or had a claustrophobic attack. She looks good in the new shoes and according to her, the inserts are working great and she'll be ready to dance up a storm by New Year's Eve.

WHICH ARE THE 10 YEAR OLD KEDS?

Claustrophobic and pass out. Do you believe that sh-t?