How To Spot An Eaton Rapids Hunter With a DUI

Wassup? To the four people that read this shiiiiiiit. I was thinking last year during hunting season, that when I was a kid growing up in Detroit during that time of year, not that many years ago, you'd see tons of cars with dead deer strapped to the roof. I haven't seen that as much since leaving the DDDDDDD-troit area 35 years ago. Being young, I was amazed when someone would stop next to my Dad's car with a carcass lashed to it and it's head flipping from side to side on the drivers windshield. Maybe it wasn't as stylish back then to own a pick-up as it is today and just throw the damn thing in the back.

Living here in good ole Eaton Rapids, I don't think I've ever seen anyone driving up or down Main Street with a deer anywhere in sight. Maybe E.R. people don't hunt. Then I started to wonder how a person that was unfortunate enough to have his license suspended for having indulged in one to many, in a one horse, can't do a damn thing, town and also hunted, would get his or her 'kill' back to their digs.

Well, that question was answered to me soon afterwards, when I spotted one of E.R.'s unfortunate residents who bagged his Bambi on opening day, pedaling his ass down Main Street just after leaving Abies Bar. Gotta love this Ho Dunk town. Nothing stops a man on Opening Day or when the golf courses open up.

Just Some Thoughts and a little somethng for 'The House Of Chin'

With the weather getting warmer, I'm finding that my Blogging time is somewhat limited due all of the outdoor things I enjoying doing. I find myself more interested in heading outdoors to do yard work, working on a new water feature I'm designing, refinishing my bench or just kicking back on my deck until I have to leave and work the No Life Shift at the Mag Plant, which really puts a damper on the things I much rather be doing. I guess I could sum this all up in just four words - I'd rather be golfing. A bad day of golf is better than a good day at the Mag Plant.

Today when I awoke, the sun was shinning and nice breeze was coming through the windows. I dressed and headed outdoors. I got as far as the upper deck and all of a sudden the sun was gone and the black clouds started to appeared. As I headed down towards the horseshoe pits, a huge drop of rain or bird dropping, I'm not sure which, struck me on the top of my head and I was back in the house like stink on shiiiiiiiiiit. "What to do now?" I thought. I've already cleaned the house so my lovely wife could just concentrate on grading papers, so what was there left for me to do but Blog.

During these wicked times of random terrorist attacks on our great land, sky rocketing gas prices and just the everyday B.S. that we encounter, I thought how important my family is to me and the love that we share. Jennifer and Eddie's upcoming wedding, Stephanie coming up with some scheme to get me over to her house to do some chores, and promising me dinner and her famous Strawberry Cake as payment and all the things that we have to look forward to. I don't see my children as much as I'd like, but they are all grown up with things to do themselves. Then I thought of my in-laws, Steve and Stacey and their girls, Tori & Jamie, of Becky and Rick, along with Molly and Kellen. All of them doing well and enjoying life. I thought of the good times we all have when we're together. Even my younger brother in law Scott came to mind and I wondered how he was doing in Austin, TX., so far away from his family and thought of the good times that we had with him when he was back in Michigan

I then thought of Joe and Mona (author of Welcome to the Nuthouse) and how their son Joey just moved back home from Kansas to be closer to his family. And Cathy and her son Tate, returning home to Michigan, because her husband, Maj. Paul, was being deployed next month. And then it hit me, like an epiphany of sorts. Since the Chin's are used to having a house full of people at any given time and I'm Not, I'm sure that they wouldn't hesitate and jump at the chance to have Scotty Russell move in with them. Think of all the possibilities this could bring. He could be a companion for Joey. Help Cathy out by babysitting Tate. Help Mikey with his music and take Mike's band to the top of the charts. Hell, with Scott's help, they could be on the cover of the next Rolling Stone. And, I'm sure that Scott would be so appreciative that he had three hots and a cot, he wouldn't mind bringing Mikey, Andy and Joey into his Auto Care Card business and they could all make money during the summer selling his fraudulent cards. You know, I'm so sure that Mona and Joe will go for this, I'm just going to email Scotty Russell and make all the arrangements for his return. I'm soooooo happy for them all.

Thanks guys.

"What's for dinner and where's your computer?"

I'm Back

As you know if you've recently been to 'B.S. From J.E.' that I haven't been on for awhile. No, I haven't run out of material, just too busy during the day with outside work since the weather has been beautiful and going to bed early once I get home from 'Magnesium Products from Hell'. You may think driving a forklift is a gravy job, and it is a hell of a lot better than standing in one place putting a screw in a piece of metal or grinding a part every 18 seconds, while another part is already there waiting and you're falling behind with people screaming at you to keep up. But, I'm moving from one end of the plant to the other, constantly moving dashboards and other items and dodging employees that stray into the 'Forbidden Yellow Line Zone' meaning the forklift path. Haven't hit anyone yet, but damn near took the boss out last night when he foolishly walked out from behind a rack without looking, either not hearing the sound of me honking the horn or just completely worn out from the long hours he puts in. The work isn't physical, but quick paced and as you all know, I'm not a quick paced kind of guy.

Two days ago, as I was leaving for work, I was upstairs and noticed History-History Hall crashed in our bed. I thought to myself, I think I'll give him a pat on the head and wake his furry ass up like he does to me every morning by putting his wet nose on my nose. I started to rub his head and he lifted up and cried out like he does when he's hurt. After further examination, I noticed that his ear was sliced completely open, AGAIN. Yeah, you guessed it, he once again got his furry ass kicked by some other cat or a mammal while prowling the fields he calls his own. I called Deb to let her know and once she arrived home, took him to the vet who confirmed my thoughts. He shaved him to check out the wound and gave him a shot and some medication. So now, I get to wake Deb up when I get home from work and she gets to wake me up in the morning before she leaves for work to give History his meds like a little kid. Since he loves being outside, he's going 'Meow Crazy' going to each door of the house, wanting to get out and driving me crazy with the constant meowing. So now instead of being History-History Hall the bravest cat of all, he's History-History Hall, the stupidest cat of all. But, he'll heal up fine, roam his fields and medows and in a few months come home beaten to shit again.

I love this time of year, the leafs are starting to appear on the trees, flowers are starting to bloom and the smell of the freshly cut lawns is in the air. I have the deck furniture out on all three levels of my deck, although I'll have to remove it all in a couple of weeks when I begin to power wash, which brings me to another item. I'm having what will now be known as 'Jim's Annual Deck Staining Party.' Everyone is welcome to participate and I'm even going to provide some 'White Castle Sliders' to feed you for your effort. What more can one ask for? Sign up quickly, the list is growing.

Winter Golf with my Buds

The Parkman Brothers-Minus One

The Parkman Brothers, minus one, met for a 10:30 tee time last Saturday at Reddeman Farms in Chelsea, MI. for the first of many golf outings we do every year. If any of you can remember back five days to last weekend, it was COLD, windy and cloudy and not the type of weather one would go out and play golf in, no matter how much of a Golf Ho you are. But, the 'Hos From The Hood' were there, dressed for the elements and ready to play. Although there was some talk about blowing it off and partying for a while, we manned up and took the plunge. I mentioned to the person behind the counter in the club house that they should have carts with a wind break attached and to my surprise, the lady said, "We have ONE out there." That was all it took. You saw nothing but asshole and elbows from me as I made a dash out the door for the cart, snatching my bag on the fly.

We intended to play 18, but after the front nine, one of us, or actually all of us said the 'F' word followed by 'This' and we packed up the clubs and headed to Stiver's Bar/Restaurant just down the road off I-94 for some lunch and long over due catching up. The laughter was endless and the time flew by. It actually turned out to be a somewhat decent day and shooting a 43 for nine the first time out this year, put some hope in me that it was going to be 'My Year'. Of course, I say that every time I shoot well the first time out and it never happens, although I do come home with more money than I left with. Suckers!

I didn't get to sleep until around 4:00 a.m. Friday night, or I should say Saturday morning and I had to get up at 8:00 a.m., somehow get myself awake and then drive an hour to the golf course and freeze my ass off. When I did get home around 7:00 p.m., my lovely wife had the house spotless, as usual and was in the process of grading papers. I briefly gave her the 3x5 version of the day's events, went straight to the dungeon, flopped in my recliner, turned on a game and instantly crashed out for a couple of hours. When I awakened, guess who wanted to go shopping? She said I didn't have to go, but we spend so little time together, I felt it was my obligation to go and please her. But, I did run into Mona at Meijer along with Catie while I was looking for something.

The weekend is suppose to be beautiful and we're invited to Cadillac to party with Steve and Stacey, but I will probably have to work. But, I will be getting in a round prior to heading in, that is if Deb lets me.

Easter Sunday - 2007

I haven't written anything in quite awhile for reasons we all know. But, life goes on and I know Karen would have wanted me to continue writing B.S. FROM J.E. We all miss her and love her, especially Uncle Jim.

Anyone seen the Easter Bunny?????

The one thing I love about Easter is, I'm off for three days, well two days anyway. I figure that one of the days, I'll be helping Debbie clean and do the running that she wants done. I'm glad that I not only married the woman who has rocked my world for 37 years, but also someone that keeps a clean ass house. So in all reality, I shouldn't say I'll be helping her clean, I'll just be doing a little PICKING UP.

I planned to do several chores this weekend and the main chore was re-caulking my bathroom shower off the family room. It came out nicely, even if I have to say so myself and the swearing was kept to a minimum which not only surprised Deb, but me as well. Now, I'm in the process of re-designing the entire bathroom or 'baff-room' if you're a student in Deb's third grade class, and make it look a little more 'Manly' than it is. I took her to Menards a few weeks ago and was shocked when I showed her the floor tile I wanted to install along with other ideas I had, and she agreed with every one of them. I must have caught her at the right moment and wish I had it on tape in case she starts to give me shiiiiiit over it later on. But, this will be probably a summer project, if I have any spare time left over from golfing, kayaking, playing horse shoes and just plain relaxing my old ass on my deck.

The girls and Eddie, our future son in law, came over for Easter dinner and like always, Deb fixed her family a wonderful meal. She makes Martha Stewart look like an amateur in my eyes. I suggested taking the clan to the Sheridan for an Easter Brunch instead of her having to cook, but you know who nixed the idea, saying that it wouldn't be the same. Hell, I'm not cooking, so didn't matter to me and I saved a 'Benjamin' or two by having dinner here

.

When the girls were little, they had something like 50 Easter baskets a piece, but now that they're all grown up, we whittled it down to one. On Easter monring, Jennifer could always find her baskets within minutes, but Stephanie could never find all of hers and the rule was, Until every basket was found, no one was allowed to eat their Easter treats. Jennifer was always patient, trying to help her little sister and once the last of her baskets were discovered, they'd dig in and have chocolate all over their face and hands. Cute, but a hell of a mess. Now that Eddie will soon be a member of the family, he has his own basket. Deb wanted to hide them, but I reminded her that Steph still isn't skilled enough at finding hers and besides, we all might want to eat dinner some time today. So it's now official, basket hiding has now been eliminated until we have Grand Children running around raising hell and making Grandpa take them out and buy things.

In my next blog, I'll tell you about how my good buddy, ESPN golf commentator and Professional Senior Golfer, Gary McCord, keeps calling me at all hours begging for a lesson. It's gotten so bad that I've had to unplug my phones. Now, he's emailing me constantly and has even gone so far as to offer me money if my Parkman Brothers and I let his sorry ass go on our next golf outing. I'll tell you more in the next one of these things.

Happy Easter to the four people that read this shiiiiiiiiit.