G.G.'s 100th Birthday Party

A huge party was thrown in Cadillac, MI. on August 11th 2007 to celebrate the birthday of Stacey's Grandma. She was the life of the party and why not, she was turning 100 years young. Known as G.G. to everyone far and wide, she arrived to a crowd of cheering relatives and friends, some of whom traveled from Washington D.C. just to be in attendance.

Can you imagine what it would have been like to start your life off in 1907. You probably couldn't have called anyone to tell them you just had a daughter because only 8% of all U.S. homes had a phone.

You'd either have to send a telegraph or saddle up your horse and spread the word of your daughter's birth. There were only 45 states when G.G. was born. Alaska, Hawaii, Arizona, New Mexico and Oklahoma were just territories. Television wasn't even an idea yet, let alone a reality and radio as an entertainment was unheard of. Baseball was the National Pastime, only because Basketball, Football and Hockey weren't even a sport. Coca-Cola still contained cocaine, and you could buy Heroin, Morphine and Marijuana at any of your larger drugstores over the counter.

Even some celebrities were spotted in the crowd. Do you remember Phil Donahue? Well, he was there minus 'That Girl', Marlo Thomas. I asked him where she was hiding and he just looked at me and said, "Where's the keg?" I told him that if he wanted to drink, he'd have to help set up the tent and then he could drink until it was a floater. He jumped right in and worked up a sweat. He was heard saying afterwards, "Damn it, this is only a half barrel!"

How about Bo Derek? Remember her in 10? she was not only MY woman, but every healthy male over six years of age. She was stepping out of the pool on Friday afternoon and I stopped dead in my tracks. I thought, "Jim Bo, if you play this bad back angle up to Bo, you could probably get her to rub your back and probably get lucky tonight." Then as I took a closer look, I realized it wasn't Bo Derek at all, but my own lovely wife Debbie. Deb and I arrived on Friday afternoon to get a jump on the par-Tay and enjoyed the afternoon swimming hitting golf shots and catching up with Steve. Stacey, her sisters and her side of the family were at Torch Lake on three pontoons.

Everyone there had a great time at the party and G.G. enjoyed seeing and talking to everyone. She had plenty of grandchildren and great grandchildren there along with all of us that love her. She is full of history and wit and also, a wonderful lady.

A Laid Back Sometimes Blogger

Good morning to all my Blogger Brothers and Sisters. I woke up this morning feeling great. One reason was that I was still breathing and, I was laying next to my lovely wife, and she was still breathing also. The second reason was, it was the 32nd day that I have not had a cigarette. July 1st, I went to my doctor and asked him to prescribe Chantix, a medication that blocks the receptors in your brain which the nicotine attaches itself to (according to Dr. Wulff). I can't tell you how great I feel. My back still hurts like hell though and I can only sit or stand for 30 minutes at a time before the pain is unbearable, but I'M NOT SMOKING and have no cravings for one. I'm really proud of myself and so is Deb and the girls. I've gotten over the 'hump' and that was the biggest part. The stuff really works. Now, I just have to get Debbie to try this miracle drug, not only for her health, but think of the money we could save if both of us were to quit.

I used to say to Deb, I'm going to quit smoking and the money I'll save from it will make a tractor payment. She'd say "You show me you can quit and then we'll see." I'd be all pumped up and maybe quit for a day. What I did tell her this time though was, I want the money I'd spend for a carton of cigarettes for myself, to put in a special bank account and when I want something, I'll have the money to buy it. That hasn't happened yet and I figure she owes me $200 for the month of July. So by next July, I'd have approx. $2,400 in my 'special account' to take a nice trip somewhere. And if she quit, she'd have enough saved to go with me. Her choice.

I never leave my patio cushions out during the night when there is a chance of rain. They've claimed scattered showers, isolated showers and storms for a month and we haven't had a drop. I've been taking my cushions in nightly, just in case the weather man is right for once. Last night, we got home late and the forecast for today was, possible showers late, and my back was hurting so badly, I just left the cushions out and would take them later today. I walked downstairs this morning and I couldn't believe it. IT WAS RAINING and my cushions were soaked. EIGHT CHAIR CUSHIONS AND TWO LOUNGE CUSHIONS SOAK. I can't think of the proper words to use for how I felt, so I'll just say, I WAS PISSED. For a month, I've taken them into the garage at night and the one time I leave them out, it rains. Once again, the weather man was wrong. That has be the best job in the world to have. Everyone knows it's always the opposite of what they say. If they say it's going to be sunny, it rains. If they call for rain, it's sunny. God, I hate those people. But they say it's suppose to be 93 tomorrow, so maybe the weatherman will have it right for once and I can throw all the cushions over the railings and they'll dry off. A-holes!

I had to retire my little blue Honda. It was on it's last legs and I couldn't trust it to start if I needed to go anywhere. It did me right for a car that had almost 235,000 miles on it. 'Old Blue' was getting tired and letting me know it. One day it would start and the next day it wouldn't. So, I purchased another car. Although this car is used, it is in perfect condition and I hope that it performs just as well as 'Old Blue'. I was out for lunch with my Detroit Brothers last week and I drove to Saline met with one friend and he drove to Ann Arbor to hook up with the other two. He has several vehicles and he picked me up in his Lexus and it had a For Sale sign on it. This was the first time I've seen the car and it was lovely. It had everything imaginable in it, like new and only 66,000 miles on it. I told Debbie that night what a great deal this was and the car was in mint condition and she said "Do what you want." I was shocked. So, I called up my buddy and I was driving it the next day. According to the computer records of the vehicle, an old woman in Florida first own it and drove it 7,000 mile. She then sold it to another old lady in Florida who drove it 33,000 miles. Then my buddy who has condos in Florida bought it and put 26,000 miles on it, keeping it in his garage from October thur May covered up. According to him, no one has ever smoked in it. Since I no longer smoke, I was pleased that it didn't have a smoky smell and told Deb that I would really appreciate it if she didn't smoke in it. We drove to Ann Arbor to pick the car up and Deb wanted to drive home and I followed in the Jeep. Fifteen minutes later, I saw her arm shoot out the window and a cigarette shot pass me on the expressway. She couldn't even wait an hour to light up. Not only did I see her arm protrude from the window once, but FIVE TIMES. So, if you do the math, that would be one cigarette every twelve minutes. She was the first person to smoke in that car, EVER. Unreal! But, she promised never do it again, yeah right. Paybacks will be hell.

Friday, I'm going to the Lions exhibition game with my Detroit Buddies and then on Saturday, we're heading to Cadillac for Stacey's grandma's birthday party, she'll be 110 years old. Wonder what it's like to be that old? She's seen a lot in her lifetime. She's a huge Tiger Fan and I thought about calling up the Tigers and ask if they would be willing to give an autographed ball to her for her 100th. But, I waited to long and besides, once I got it, I'd probably keep it for myself. Not really. So, if anyone knows what to get a woman that is a century old, let me know quickly.

Blog-ingly,

J.E.

Debbie's latest cleaning job

On 7/14/07, Debbie and I celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary and it's no secret how much I love her. From the first day I saw her standing on that lonesome street corner in Detroit waiting for her next trick to drive by, I knew that was the woman for me. She has been not only a loving wife for 34 years, but also my constant companion and best friend. She nurses me back to health when I'm sick, and is just one hell of a wonderful woman. She has a good head on her shoulders and never once has she been afraid to put me in my place if she thought I needed it. Apparently, that alone is a full time job.

Most or all of you know what a stickler Debbie is for a clean house. Hell, a clean anything for that matter. She even goes into the basement once or twice a year with the vacuum and sucks up non-existent cob webs from the corners and ceiling. But now, she's taken this cleaning sickness a bit too far and I have to say something about it.

For Christmas last year, we decided to buy ourselves a laptop computer. We have other computers, but a nice laptop for the upstairs was a nice present for the both of us. Over the months, she has turned into quite a computer person. She even knows how to pay bills online, something she never did before. I've actually become quite proud of my little I.T. wife. Actually, it's becoming quite hard to use 'Her' computer anymore and I find myself using the desk top in the dungeon more and more. The other day, I was out in the yard finishing up some work and as I was walking back through the garage into the house, I noticed her at the side of the trash can, rummaging through a vacuum bag. Curious as to what she was doing, I walked over and asked. She turned around and said, "You need to go in right now and call Gateway. They sold us an inferior computer."

"How so?" I inquired.

"Well, I was vacuuming the couch cushions when I noticed that you must have left the lid up on the laptop and I saw a small crumb. I started to suck up the crumb with the vacuum hose when the 'G' key pulled right out of the keyboard and was sucked down the hose. That's why I'm out here."

Now, you all know that if I ever did something like that, she would be on my ass 24/7 until I drove somewhere and purchased a 'G' key. But, since 'Little Miss Clean' did it, it's not that big of a deal. So, until I can get to a Gateway Outlet, I have to make sure that I hit the 'G' key when a 'g' is in the word. But, you gotta love the woman. At least I can walk into my basement, knowing that I'm safe from spiders attacking me from ceiling.

A Relaxing Four Days 'Up Norf

The Fourth of July, Deb and I sat on our deck watching the fireworks that were going off five miles away at the Miller Complex in town. Sipping our favorite drinks, discussing what time in the morning we'd start our four day adventure and the main topic of conversation, how many suitcases Deb would be bringing. It wouldn't have been a problem about the amount of luggage she thinks we need, but since we can't seem to stop the wind noise the straps make holding the kayak down on the top of the Jeep it now rides inside of the Jeep. We've tried everything, twisting the damn straps, putting padding under the bow and stern, EVERYTHING WE COULD THINK OF, but the noise was so bad, people passing us would look over, laugh and cover their ears. What made it even worse was that I fell asleep on the way home despite the noise the last time we took the kayak to the river, and that made Deb CRAZY. So, until a metal rack for the roof is located and we're guaranteed no noise will be heard, the kayak goes in the back.

Thursday-7/5/07 Day One: Steve and Stacey were also going to Mark and Libby's cabin on the Manistee River, so it was only natural that our first stop be Cadillac. We hadn't been there more than five minutes before Debbie and Stacey had a drink in hand, leaving me, bad back and all to unload the Jeep. Thank goodness I arranged the car and knew what was going in on 'Day One'. Steve and the girls arrived and we partied until Deb told me it was time to go to bed.

Friday - 7/6/07 Day Two:

Steve wanted to take his boat out in the morning and when I awoke around ninish, he had the boat ready to go and was waiting for me, a first. After a quick fill up of gas, we arrived at Lake Cadillac and Steve put the boat in the water for the first time this calender year. I stood on the dock as Purr began to prime the 125 hp power house that propels his 17 1/2 foot Four Winds to neck break speeds and turn the key. Something was wrong, it didn't sound right. He tried again and decided to throw a charge to it. Again, nothing. What to do? Think damn it, Think. After a few minutes, Steve returned with the car/trailer and we headed to the battery shop for a new battery ($70). With the boat back in the water, we enjoyed about an hour of boating until the engine suddenly slowed down and we turned around once more and headed in. Headed in that is to O'Neal's Service to get the engine checked out. Once Mr. O'Neal greeted Steve with a hearty handshake and smile, he said it may be the oil pump and the engine would have to be pulled to check it out. Steve mumbled something about raising his clients fees to pay this guy, but at least the boat would be fixed. We were on our way back home, Steve feeling a little better after a rough morning and saying "What the Fock else can happen to me today?" when he received a call that Jamie was in a little fender bender in downtown Cadillac. Off to the scene of the accident we drove. Nothing much happened, Jamie backed into a truck and no one was injured. Well, I guess if you call Steve somewhat losing his mind, injured. After numerous lectures about drivers safety, we headed to Fife Lake, Michigan and the Manistee River to hook up with Mark and Libby for a little partying and 'ca-brewing'.

Day two will continue tomorrow,

I'm tired.

Kick'n Back - The J.E. Way

OK, the four people that read this shiiiiiit know that I've been off work for the couple of weeks due to my back. I've been bent over so far with pain, that if my shoe laces became untied I could tie them on the run and never miss a step. Deb knew that I was in pain, but she didn't know how much pain I was actually in, until I told her I cancelled my annual golf outing and BBQ that I host for my Parkman Brothers because of it.

Last week, my doctor prescribed Flexeril and believe it or not, my pain is GONE. I can't tell you how great it feels to get up in the morning and not make a hundred different weird ass moaning sounds trying to get out of bed. I don't know if that little miracle pill was the answer, but I'm finally feeling great after suffering for months. My doctor, an ex Chicago Bear wide receiver, insisted that I stay off work, and do nothing but rest. That's great advice if you've got a shiiit load of money, but the grass doesn't stop growing and the bills don't stop coming because I'm hurting. My darling Debbie, bless her heart, said that she would hop on the tractor and mow the yard for me. Bullshiiiiiit! You all know what a stickler I am about my yard and remembering how it looked the one and only time she mowed it sent shivers down my now healing spine. Besides, other chores have to taken care of. Maybe with the doctor's money, he can have his chores taken care of by others, but not me. The outside work continues, but I did take his advice and have rested my back as much as possible along with doing my daily exercises.

The Mag Plant is very attendance crazy and isn't very compassionate when someone takes time off for being ill. With these two weeks off, along with the six months last year with my back, I didn't think I would be in the running for 'Employee of the Year'. I received a call from the H.R. Department telling me that I was 'Invited' to a meeting to discuss my absenteeism last Thursday. Lately they've been on a firing spree and I knew in the back of my mind that I would be standing in line at the Unemployment Office on Monday morning with the rest of the aging losers. At 10:00 a.m. I walked into the Director's Office and two other big shots were there waiting, I thought to crucify me as well. In my mind, they've already dug the hole and were waiting for me to fall in. After forty five minutes of talking, I was told that I was no longer on Afternoons, but would be working Days starting Monday morning. They said that they wanted to make sure that I had a position that required hardly any strain on my back. I smiled all the way out to the car, realizing that I had dodged a bullet.

Debbie was so happy that once again we can be a family, with both of us working normal daylight hours and have the evenings to spend together (she must have been drinking). All I can say is I'm glad I'm still employed, working days and able to get a good nights sleep once again. So what's the first thing I'm going to do on Monday morning when I show up for my new position? Hunt down a friend of mine who is always looking a sub to golf with him at Duck Lake Country Club and play golf for free.

Can life get any better?

Blogging-ly,

J.E.

How I Spent My Memorial Day Long Weekend

Being on the 'No Life Shift', I cherish my time off and was especially looking forward to maybe having three days away from The Mag Plant From Hell. I never know if I'm working the weekend until the last minute on Friday and I no longer make plans. On Wednesday however when the O.T. is posted, only one cell was running and one assembly station, so having three days off was a sure thing. On Friday, they, the powers that be, added four more machines and two more assembly areas to work on Saturday. Now I haven't had to work a weekend or even one day of a weekend in some time, because someone else was always nailed. But with the added machines, I knew that I would be called upon to 'move the dashboards', it was just meant to be. All afternoon Friday, I stayed clear of the supervisor. On a couple of occasions I could see him glancing at me out of the corner of my eye and immediately headed in the other direction. At 10:50 p.m. and not yet having been approached, I headed to the Shipping Office and hid in their bathroom (baff-room if you live in the inner city or can't speak the King's English). Not a very professional thing to do, but hey, I'm not a professional kind of guy. I washed up and was swiping my time card at precisely 11:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time and I was GONE and looking forward to three days of relaxation.

Saturday it rained and you know, it didn't bother to me. I was so tired from dodging my boss all night Friday, that I was totally exhausted and just kicked back the entire day, napping, eating and napping. And you know what? Deb didn't give me any shiiiiiit because she was doing the exact same thing. I thought we were going to go out with Joe and Mona for dinner, but apparently they were still busy hauling furniture for Cat. So Deb made a garlic noodle and crab with a 'K' dish and we stayed home and rested some more. Doing nothing for some reason really tired me out.

Sunday, I awoke around 1100 hours and kicked on my favorite TV channel next to Starz, The Golf Channel and ESPN, and watched a landscaping show. Deb was heading over to Jennifer's and they were going out to pick up some material to make curtains, so I decided to go out and start power washing the upper deck. What a mistake that was. It took me almost 6 hours of non-stop work to finish up. Either I'm really particular about my deck or it was really dirty with flying dirt particles from the corn field next to and behind me. Deb came home with lunch and it was back to the deck. After a shopping trip to Charlotte later that evening and dinner, we headed home to watch a movie.

MONDAY - MY LAST DAY OF REST AND RELAXATION. After all, I am a veteran and today is my day, but it was not to be. I thought since it was suppose to be a nice day out, that I'd call up my good buddy Joe and see if he wanted to go out and play a quick nine, but it was not to be. Before I could even tell her my plans for the day, I was informed that the sun was shinning, the dew on the lawn would be gone by the time we returned from the Flower Garden and ready for me to get on my mower and ride. I turned around to see if someone were behind me, because I knew she sure the hell wasn't talking to me. After a trip to the flower shop, gas station and then Felpausch for some steaks for me to grill later, we were back home and my last day of relaxation was over. I had three days of work to do in one. While Deb planted flowers, I mowed, weed whipped, edged 110' of driveway (actually 220' because I had to go back the other way), planted 28 tomato plants, cleaned out the shed and power washed some of my stuff, she finally said "I turned the oven on for some pasty's for lunch. When lunch is ready, bring mine up to me, I'll be in our bedroom resting." After lunch and a little nap, it was right back out there to throw some wood chips around. We finished up in time to take a shower, throw the steaks on the grill, eat and think about going to bed. Both Deb and I worked really hard today, but I heard her say as she headed up stairs "Don't worry about cleaning up the dinner dishes, you can do it tomorrow before you go to work." So how am I finishing up my three days off? I'm in the dungeon watching 'Jaw's II' of a 'Jaws' marathon and eating watermelon.

Memorial Day-ingly,

J.E.

How To Spot An Eaton Rapids Hunter With a DUI

Wassup? To the four people that read this shiiiiiiit. I was thinking last year during hunting season, that when I was a kid growing up in Detroit during that time of year, not that many years ago, you'd see tons of cars with dead deer strapped to the roof. I haven't seen that as much since leaving the DDDDDDD-troit area 35 years ago. Being young, I was amazed when someone would stop next to my Dad's car with a carcass lashed to it and it's head flipping from side to side on the drivers windshield. Maybe it wasn't as stylish back then to own a pick-up as it is today and just throw the damn thing in the back.

Living here in good ole Eaton Rapids, I don't think I've ever seen anyone driving up or down Main Street with a deer anywhere in sight. Maybe E.R. people don't hunt. Then I started to wonder how a person that was unfortunate enough to have his license suspended for having indulged in one to many, in a one horse, can't do a damn thing, town and also hunted, would get his or her 'kill' back to their digs.

Well, that question was answered to me soon afterwards, when I spotted one of E.R.'s unfortunate residents who bagged his Bambi on opening day, pedaling his ass down Main Street just after leaving Abies Bar. Gotta love this Ho Dunk town. Nothing stops a man on Opening Day or when the golf courses open up.

Just Some Thoughts and a little somethng for 'The House Of Chin'

With the weather getting warmer, I'm finding that my Blogging time is somewhat limited due all of the outdoor things I enjoying doing. I find myself more interested in heading outdoors to do yard work, working on a new water feature I'm designing, refinishing my bench or just kicking back on my deck until I have to leave and work the No Life Shift at the Mag Plant, which really puts a damper on the things I much rather be doing. I guess I could sum this all up in just four words - I'd rather be golfing. A bad day of golf is better than a good day at the Mag Plant.

Today when I awoke, the sun was shinning and nice breeze was coming through the windows. I dressed and headed outdoors. I got as far as the upper deck and all of a sudden the sun was gone and the black clouds started to appeared. As I headed down towards the horseshoe pits, a huge drop of rain or bird dropping, I'm not sure which, struck me on the top of my head and I was back in the house like stink on shiiiiiiiiiit. "What to do now?" I thought. I've already cleaned the house so my lovely wife could just concentrate on grading papers, so what was there left for me to do but Blog.

During these wicked times of random terrorist attacks on our great land, sky rocketing gas prices and just the everyday B.S. that we encounter, I thought how important my family is to me and the love that we share. Jennifer and Eddie's upcoming wedding, Stephanie coming up with some scheme to get me over to her house to do some chores, and promising me dinner and her famous Strawberry Cake as payment and all the things that we have to look forward to. I don't see my children as much as I'd like, but they are all grown up with things to do themselves. Then I thought of my in-laws, Steve and Stacey and their girls, Tori & Jamie, of Becky and Rick, along with Molly and Kellen. All of them doing well and enjoying life. I thought of the good times we all have when we're together. Even my younger brother in law Scott came to mind and I wondered how he was doing in Austin, TX., so far away from his family and thought of the good times that we had with him when he was back in Michigan

I then thought of Joe and Mona (author of Welcome to the Nuthouse) and how their son Joey just moved back home from Kansas to be closer to his family. And Cathy and her son Tate, returning home to Michigan, because her husband, Maj. Paul, was being deployed next month. And then it hit me, like an epiphany of sorts. Since the Chin's are used to having a house full of people at any given time and I'm Not, I'm sure that they wouldn't hesitate and jump at the chance to have Scotty Russell move in with them. Think of all the possibilities this could bring. He could be a companion for Joey. Help Cathy out by babysitting Tate. Help Mikey with his music and take Mike's band to the top of the charts. Hell, with Scott's help, they could be on the cover of the next Rolling Stone. And, I'm sure that Scott would be so appreciative that he had three hots and a cot, he wouldn't mind bringing Mikey, Andy and Joey into his Auto Care Card business and they could all make money during the summer selling his fraudulent cards. You know, I'm so sure that Mona and Joe will go for this, I'm just going to email Scotty Russell and make all the arrangements for his return. I'm soooooo happy for them all.

Thanks guys.

"What's for dinner and where's your computer?"

I'm Back

As you know if you've recently been to 'B.S. From J.E.' that I haven't been on for awhile. No, I haven't run out of material, just too busy during the day with outside work since the weather has been beautiful and going to bed early once I get home from 'Magnesium Products from Hell'. You may think driving a forklift is a gravy job, and it is a hell of a lot better than standing in one place putting a screw in a piece of metal or grinding a part every 18 seconds, while another part is already there waiting and you're falling behind with people screaming at you to keep up. But, I'm moving from one end of the plant to the other, constantly moving dashboards and other items and dodging employees that stray into the 'Forbidden Yellow Line Zone' meaning the forklift path. Haven't hit anyone yet, but damn near took the boss out last night when he foolishly walked out from behind a rack without looking, either not hearing the sound of me honking the horn or just completely worn out from the long hours he puts in. The work isn't physical, but quick paced and as you all know, I'm not a quick paced kind of guy.

Two days ago, as I was leaving for work, I was upstairs and noticed History-History Hall crashed in our bed. I thought to myself, I think I'll give him a pat on the head and wake his furry ass up like he does to me every morning by putting his wet nose on my nose. I started to rub his head and he lifted up and cried out like he does when he's hurt. After further examination, I noticed that his ear was sliced completely open, AGAIN. Yeah, you guessed it, he once again got his furry ass kicked by some other cat or a mammal while prowling the fields he calls his own. I called Deb to let her know and once she arrived home, took him to the vet who confirmed my thoughts. He shaved him to check out the wound and gave him a shot and some medication. So now, I get to wake Deb up when I get home from work and she gets to wake me up in the morning before she leaves for work to give History his meds like a little kid. Since he loves being outside, he's going 'Meow Crazy' going to each door of the house, wanting to get out and driving me crazy with the constant meowing. So now instead of being History-History Hall the bravest cat of all, he's History-History Hall, the stupidest cat of all. But, he'll heal up fine, roam his fields and medows and in a few months come home beaten to shit again.

I love this time of year, the leafs are starting to appear on the trees, flowers are starting to bloom and the smell of the freshly cut lawns is in the air. I have the deck furniture out on all three levels of my deck, although I'll have to remove it all in a couple of weeks when I begin to power wash, which brings me to another item. I'm having what will now be known as 'Jim's Annual Deck Staining Party.' Everyone is welcome to participate and I'm even going to provide some 'White Castle Sliders' to feed you for your effort. What more can one ask for? Sign up quickly, the list is growing.

Winter Golf with my Buds

The Parkman Brothers-Minus One

The Parkman Brothers, minus one, met for a 10:30 tee time last Saturday at Reddeman Farms in Chelsea, MI. for the first of many golf outings we do every year. If any of you can remember back five days to last weekend, it was COLD, windy and cloudy and not the type of weather one would go out and play golf in, no matter how much of a Golf Ho you are. But, the 'Hos From The Hood' were there, dressed for the elements and ready to play. Although there was some talk about blowing it off and partying for a while, we manned up and took the plunge. I mentioned to the person behind the counter in the club house that they should have carts with a wind break attached and to my surprise, the lady said, "We have ONE out there." That was all it took. You saw nothing but asshole and elbows from me as I made a dash out the door for the cart, snatching my bag on the fly.

We intended to play 18, but after the front nine, one of us, or actually all of us said the 'F' word followed by 'This' and we packed up the clubs and headed to Stiver's Bar/Restaurant just down the road off I-94 for some lunch and long over due catching up. The laughter was endless and the time flew by. It actually turned out to be a somewhat decent day and shooting a 43 for nine the first time out this year, put some hope in me that it was going to be 'My Year'. Of course, I say that every time I shoot well the first time out and it never happens, although I do come home with more money than I left with. Suckers!

I didn't get to sleep until around 4:00 a.m. Friday night, or I should say Saturday morning and I had to get up at 8:00 a.m., somehow get myself awake and then drive an hour to the golf course and freeze my ass off. When I did get home around 7:00 p.m., my lovely wife had the house spotless, as usual and was in the process of grading papers. I briefly gave her the 3x5 version of the day's events, went straight to the dungeon, flopped in my recliner, turned on a game and instantly crashed out for a couple of hours. When I awakened, guess who wanted to go shopping? She said I didn't have to go, but we spend so little time together, I felt it was my obligation to go and please her. But, I did run into Mona at Meijer along with Catie while I was looking for something.

The weekend is suppose to be beautiful and we're invited to Cadillac to party with Steve and Stacey, but I will probably have to work. But, I will be getting in a round prior to heading in, that is if Deb lets me.

Easter Sunday - 2007

I haven't written anything in quite awhile for reasons we all know. But, life goes on and I know Karen would have wanted me to continue writing B.S. FROM J.E. We all miss her and love her, especially Uncle Jim.

Anyone seen the Easter Bunny?????

The one thing I love about Easter is, I'm off for three days, well two days anyway. I figure that one of the days, I'll be helping Debbie clean and do the running that she wants done. I'm glad that I not only married the woman who has rocked my world for 37 years, but also someone that keeps a clean ass house. So in all reality, I shouldn't say I'll be helping her clean, I'll just be doing a little PICKING UP.

I planned to do several chores this weekend and the main chore was re-caulking my bathroom shower off the family room. It came out nicely, even if I have to say so myself and the swearing was kept to a minimum which not only surprised Deb, but me as well. Now, I'm in the process of re-designing the entire bathroom or 'baff-room' if you're a student in Deb's third grade class, and make it look a little more 'Manly' than it is. I took her to Menards a few weeks ago and was shocked when I showed her the floor tile I wanted to install along with other ideas I had, and she agreed with every one of them. I must have caught her at the right moment and wish I had it on tape in case she starts to give me shiiiiiit over it later on. But, this will be probably a summer project, if I have any spare time left over from golfing, kayaking, playing horse shoes and just plain relaxing my old ass on my deck.

The girls and Eddie, our future son in law, came over for Easter dinner and like always, Deb fixed her family a wonderful meal. She makes Martha Stewart look like an amateur in my eyes. I suggested taking the clan to the Sheridan for an Easter Brunch instead of her having to cook, but you know who nixed the idea, saying that it wouldn't be the same. Hell, I'm not cooking, so didn't matter to me and I saved a 'Benjamin' or two by having dinner here

.

When the girls were little, they had something like 50 Easter baskets a piece, but now that they're all grown up, we whittled it down to one. On Easter monring, Jennifer could always find her baskets within minutes, but Stephanie could never find all of hers and the rule was, Until every basket was found, no one was allowed to eat their Easter treats. Jennifer was always patient, trying to help her little sister and once the last of her baskets were discovered, they'd dig in and have chocolate all over their face and hands. Cute, but a hell of a mess. Now that Eddie will soon be a member of the family, he has his own basket. Deb wanted to hide them, but I reminded her that Steph still isn't skilled enough at finding hers and besides, we all might want to eat dinner some time today. So it's now official, basket hiding has now been eliminated until we have Grand Children running around raising hell and making Grandpa take them out and buy things.

In my next blog, I'll tell you about how my good buddy, ESPN golf commentator and Professional Senior Golfer, Gary McCord, keeps calling me at all hours begging for a lesson. It's gotten so bad that I've had to unplug my phones. Now, he's emailing me constantly and has even gone so far as to offer me money if my Parkman Brothers and I let his sorry ass go on our next golf outing. I'll tell you more in the next one of these things.

Happy Easter to the four people that read this shiiiiiiiiit.

Home Alone, Again

The weekend is here and once again, I didn't have to work. Deb said I should enjoy the time I have off now, because when I was on the 'floor' early in my magnesium die casting career days, I worked 76 straight days without a day off and then was graciously given ONE day to relax and try to accomplish something I enjoyed. So, today I thought Deb and I would spend the day together making up for lost time during the week. Maybe go to Menards or Lowes to pick up some things Ive been wanting and then some dinner and a movie, but that wasn't meant to be. I probably see her maybe fifteen minutes a week because of my shift and I actually miss not being with her. I forgot that today was the day she and her sister Becky (the Glover Queen) traveled to Pinckney for a baby shower for one of their cousins daughter and she will be gone most of the day.

Years ago when she would be gone for the entire day or even an hour for that matter, I was out the door before she was a mile down the road. But, not anymore. Must be an age thing. Hell, I would be consuming my favorite beverage at my favorite watering hole, playing golf or just blowing off the day and not accomplishing a damn thing. I guess getting trashed was accomplishing something, but wasn't getting me any points with the little woman. I was disappointed that she wasn't going to be home, but than I thought, I'll surprise her by doing the chores around the house that she would normally do and maybe go out this evening after she'd rested up from partying with the relatives she never sees and playing baby games all afternoon.

Knowing Deb, you know what a stickler she is on house cleaning and no matter how hard I try and how good of a job I do, it just isn't the same as when she does it. Do you know anyone that has ever taken the vacuum into the basement and sucked out cobwebs from the rafters? I never did until I married her. And, I've never seen a cobweb in the basement at all. I've never looked, but maybe there might be a stray web or two somewhere down there, but I doubt it. Not that she isn't appreciative of the work I do around here, but she once walked into the bedroom after I made the bed, looked at it and smoothed out a wrinkle on the bedspread. Is that sick or what? Was that a Princess and the Pea thing?

Now I don't want to pat myself on the back, but if I don't, no one else will. These are just a few of the things I did today while the little woman was out doing whatever they do at baby showers.

1. Drove to town and picked up ingredients to make Stacy's Northern Macaroni and Cheese.
(If you'd like the recipe, give me a buzz, it's great)

2. Cleaned/dusted/vacuumed and picked up the entire house.

3. Swept and washed the kitchen/dining room floor (on my hands and knees no less).

4. Changed the oil in my tractor and it's now ready ease my yard work burdens.

5. Washed and folded three (3) loads of clothes.

6. Played with History

7. Started picking up debris from the yard.

8. Watched golf.

9. Began to design a water feature that will look like a mountain stream with underwater lighting. This will also double as a barrier on the middle deck instead of a railing, so my idiot friends won't step off of it and sue me. This will be a major project, but will look so cool when I'm finished. Here's a few pics to prove I did something. If I'm lying, I'm dying.

I love spring time and with the weather so nice out today, I sat out on the deck (between chores) looking out at the field as the deer were wandering out of the woods and wild turkey were walking around. But, along with the warm weather comes added work and pushing the ripe old age of 60, I may need some help with one project that I have to do. Check your calender and make a note, that around the end of May, once I power wash the decks, I'll be throwing a 'Deck Staining Party' and you're all welcome to attend. Hell, I'll supply everything and even feed your ass as well. It doesn't get any better than that. Now you may be asking yourself, "What is J.E. going to do tomorrow since he's worked his old ass off all day?" Well, if the weather's as nice as it was today, I'll be playing 18 and then kick'n back on the deck, listening to some Classic Rock and sipping Iced Tea and thinking, it's good to be alive and living on Boody (Highway, that is).

Does My Wife Cook For Me or What?????

Working afternoons is really throwing my off eating habits. I was used to having great meals prepared by my lovely wife at night when I came home from work. Now, there's a different scenario here at the House Of J.E. Deb doesn't cook like she used to since I'm not home in the evenings and if she decides to cook something great for dinner, I'm treated with fantastic leftovers when I get home. One night, she prepared one of my favorite dishes, Chicken with Mushroom sauce over rice and I ate like a king for dinner and lunch the following day. Some nights, she has a steak thawed out for me to grill or cook and other times it's up to me to fend for myself.

Like last night, she said that she had prepared some BBQ boneless ribs for me and made a cherry pie. All night, I could envision munching on a huge rib sandwich smothered in BBQ sauce and a slice or two of cherry Pie to top it off. But, when I walked in the door I didn't smell the aroma of ANYTHING. To my surprise, there was a note on the counter saying that my ribs were in the freezer and the pie was on the side counter. Apparently, Deb and one of her favorite pastry friend, Mrs. Smith, worked feverishly into the evening to make me a pie, and my boneless BBQ rib sandwich was in a box to microwave. But, I wasn't upset about it (too much). She works all day herself and it's a chore to think of things to cook for herself and me for later in the evening. I really don't expect her to have some tasty morsel for me to eat when I come home, but come on, a $0.99 BBQ Rib Sandwich in a box.

After waking up today at 11:30, I thought I'd make something tasty for lunch, but didn't want to start making something that would take an hour or longer, so after scouring the freezer, I ended up with, you guessed it, something frozen again.

Deb mentioned me the other night that she was really in the mood for some fish and had picked up some Cod to cook for me tonight when I got home, and if she were sleeping all I'd have to do is re-heat it in the oven. While retrieving one of the 5 for $5 Totino's Pizza from the freezer, I thought I'd take the fish out and get the thawing process started. I looked high and low and didn't see the Cod she was talking about and then I spotted it. Can you picture the expression on my face when I bent over and picked up the Cod she was so anxious to have.

Now that my stomach is full, I should stop writing and get my lunch box packed for work. Have I also mentioned that because of the 'Frozen Food Diet', I've lost almost 30 pounds? Now I'll be able bend over the golf ball when I play.

Hide and Seek (sort of)

As you all know, I'm not much of a hunter of wild game, although I have been forced to go out a few times. I just don't like to kill, hurt or wound some defenseless animal that's done nothing to me personally or have threatened my family in any way, except that raccoon of course. I just don't get off sitting in a tree waiting for a mammal to cross my path and then blast the shiiiiiiit out of it. I'm a D-troit boy, born and breed. When we carried a gun, it was used for one thing and one thing only, to bust a cap in yo sorry ass, plain and simple. You didn't see my friends in the 'Hood' suit up for Opening Day. Hell No! We were still playing football at Ellis Park on 11/15 of every year. When we went looking for 'Fresh Meat', it was of the two legged variety.

While Deb and I were up Norf over the weekend, I went into town between games to check out a kayak I'm thinking about buying at Jay's Sporting Goods. While in there, I was browsing the store and overheard two hunters next to the camouflage clothing. They were saying how they are 99.99% invisible to the little varmints they hunt and that got me thinking.

No matter where I hide in the house when Debbie has work for me to do, she finds me. I even hid in the garage rafters one afternoon to avoid her, but she sniffed me out somehow. So on a whim, I purchased a pair of lightweight camouflage pants, a shirt, hat and gloves. Then on the way home, I stopped at JoAnn Fabric and picked up a bolt of material that was a pretty close match my earlier purchase. Arriving back at the cabin, I hid my things in the Jeep and went inside and continued to party with my relatives. It was the WEEKEND.

Earlier today (Monday) Deb had a dentist appointment and said before she left, that she had some 'chores' for me to do, but wanted me to wait until she got home to 'instruct' me. I wasn't about to let that happen and I had to work fast, so I put my plan in motion. I took the bolt of fabric and headed to the family room and recovered the couch. She hardly ever goes into the dungeon and doubt she's even aware what color material is on the couch. She said she'd be back around noon and time was running out. I then slipped into my new duds, kicked on a movie and waited for her to return.

I heard the garage door open and I jumped on the couch. She walked into the kitchen and instantly started calling me. I heard her up in the bedrooms, "Jim?" Then the living room, the dinning room and kitchen, "Jim?" Hell, I even heard her open the door to the garage and say, "You better not be hiding up in those rafters again." Then the true test came. I was as still as I could be, trying not to breath or move. "The Ass left the T.V. on again." I heard her say, as she stood directly in front of me. "Where the hell is he?, I'll find that loafing poor excuse of a man I married, twice."

It was working, I was invisible. But, I couldn't resist screwing with her for a little bit. I started making little animal noises and she lost it. She spun around the room trying to spot the intruder and with speed of which I've never seen from her, she was up the stairs into a 'safe zone'. I just laid there with a smile on my face, watching the T.V. she never turned off. I did hear her say from up stairs that no hiding place would ever escape her and she'd hunt me down like the dog I was. Now I just hope I don't snore.

St. Patty's Day Up Norf

With the weekend off, Da-Bra-Less and I headed Norf to Gaylord for a little relaxation at Becky Sue Teel's, along with Steve and Stacey. We couldn't leave until Saturday morning, but it was a nice drive with very little traffic to negotiate on I-75. The cruise control was set on 85 mph and with Deb behind the wheel, maneuvered the Jeep effortlessly down the highway. It was St. Patrick's Day and we anticipated going out for the evening with the 'Fam' for some good ole Irish cooking, a shiiiiit load of drinks (Iced Tea for J.E) at the local Irish Pub in Gaylord. And after tearing up the town, some long over due partying back at the cabin.

Becky, Steve and Stacey had already started partying without us at a neighbor's across the street and were heading back to the cabin when we arrived. I managed to carry up all the suitcases Debbie brought for a one nighter, as she managed to bring in the pillows she brought. It was great seeing everyone, and it's been a couple of months since we've all gotten together. I was even more pleased when Becky asked me if I wanted to 'Pick some Clover'. And why not, it was a day for celebration. I was amazed with the weather as cold as it's been up Norf, that she was able to grow such a nice crop. Instead of heading to the Pub as we thought for dinner, Becky surprised everyone with some St. Patrick Day Enchiladas' and other assorted Irish goodies to go with the St. Patrick Day's theme.

March Madness was in the air and we ate, laughed, watched the games and ate some more. At halftime of the Spartan game, we gathered up the drinks and headed across the street to party with a neighbor and finish up watching my beloved Spartans lose. I was disappointed, but the Wings were on next and that took away my pain for a little while. After a couple more hours of laughter and stories of the younger days growing up at the cabin, we headed back across the street to the cabin for a bedtime snack of, you guessed it, Enchiladas.

I hated to get up this morning and head home, but it was worth the drive Norf to be with family and friends. We need to do this more often, the clock is ticking the batteries are running out of juice. I'm glad that I have had such a wonderful family to party with for 36 years. I couldn't ask for a better family to marry into. You guys are the best and I love you all.

It's Finally Finished and Up

"Deb", I said, as I was coming up from the basement into the 'Dungeon' carrying the project I described in a previous blog, "I'm ready to start hanging this and if you want to come down and 'SUPERVISE' my measuring, feel free." "Don't even think of starting without me." I heard her say as she hauled ass from the living room, "You' know you can't read a tape measure and you'll have it hung cockeyed and they're be holes all over the wall except where they're suppose to be. Don't you remember what happened when you put that dresser together?"

"You're so full of shiiiiiiiiit." I said softly. "What did you say, Jim?" She yelled back. "I said, you're right, I'll have to admit." I said, please with my quick comeback. "Hurry up, golf is on in twenty minutes. and I want to watch the final round, have something to eat and kick back. Then I'll finish up taking the Christmas lights down like you wanted. What are you going to do today?" Her response frighten me when I heard her say, "Probably just help you clean my car or just rest." Thinking fast on my feet, I said "Just rest and enjoy the day, Hon, I'll take care of EVERYTHING." After measuring a couple of times, the wall hanging went up nicely and looked good, or as I always say, good enough for who it's for. She filled it with plants, stood back and and said, "Nice job, I'll think of something else you can make me." How lucky can one guy be?

The day was beautiful and I was finally able to get outside and do some of the outside tasks I've been putting off because of the cold weather. Finally all the Christmas lights and decorations are off the house and put away and with Debbie off my back for a few hours, I managed to catch 40 winks in my recliner while she was busying herself upstairs working on a poster for her classroom. "What are you making Deb, a flag?", I asked rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "It's a poster of The Cat In The Hat." she beamed, as she rolled up another piece of paper and glued it on cardboard. "Looks like a flag to me." I said and grabbed bag of chips and retreated to the 'Dungeon' for a golf update and a little more shut eye. Damn, I love the weekends.