Hide and Seek (sort of)

As you all know, I'm not much of a hunter of wild game, although I have been forced to go out a few times. I just don't like to kill, hurt or wound some defenseless animal that's done nothing to me personally or have threatened my family in any way, except that raccoon of course. I just don't get off sitting in a tree waiting for a mammal to cross my path and then blast the shiiiiiiit out of it. I'm a D-troit boy, born and breed. When we carried a gun, it was used for one thing and one thing only, to bust a cap in yo sorry ass, plain and simple. You didn't see my friends in the 'Hood' suit up for Opening Day. Hell No! We were still playing football at Ellis Park on 11/15 of every year. When we went looking for 'Fresh Meat', it was of the two legged variety.

While Deb and I were up Norf over the weekend, I went into town between games to check out a kayak I'm thinking about buying at Jay's Sporting Goods. While in there, I was browsing the store and overheard two hunters next to the camouflage clothing. They were saying how they are 99.99% invisible to the little varmints they hunt and that got me thinking.

No matter where I hide in the house when Debbie has work for me to do, she finds me. I even hid in the garage rafters one afternoon to avoid her, but she sniffed me out somehow. So on a whim, I purchased a pair of lightweight camouflage pants, a shirt, hat and gloves. Then on the way home, I stopped at JoAnn Fabric and picked up a bolt of material that was a pretty close match my earlier purchase. Arriving back at the cabin, I hid my things in the Jeep and went inside and continued to party with my relatives. It was the WEEKEND.

Earlier today (Monday) Deb had a dentist appointment and said before she left, that she had some 'chores' for me to do, but wanted me to wait until she got home to 'instruct' me. I wasn't about to let that happen and I had to work fast, so I put my plan in motion. I took the bolt of fabric and headed to the family room and recovered the couch. She hardly ever goes into the dungeon and doubt she's even aware what color material is on the couch. She said she'd be back around noon and time was running out. I then slipped into my new duds, kicked on a movie and waited for her to return.

I heard the garage door open and I jumped on the couch. She walked into the kitchen and instantly started calling me. I heard her up in the bedrooms, "Jim?" Then the living room, the dinning room and kitchen, "Jim?" Hell, I even heard her open the door to the garage and say, "You better not be hiding up in those rafters again." Then the true test came. I was as still as I could be, trying not to breath or move. "The Ass left the T.V. on again." I heard her say, as she stood directly in front of me. "Where the hell is he?, I'll find that loafing poor excuse of a man I married, twice."

It was working, I was invisible. But, I couldn't resist screwing with her for a little bit. I started making little animal noises and she lost it. She spun around the room trying to spot the intruder and with speed of which I've never seen from her, she was up the stairs into a 'safe zone'. I just laid there with a smile on my face, watching the T.V. she never turned off. I did hear her say from up stairs that no hiding place would ever escape her and she'd hunt me down like the dog I was. Now I just hope I don't snore.