Home Alone, Again

The weekend is here and once again, I didn't have to work. Deb said I should enjoy the time I have off now, because when I was on the 'floor' early in my magnesium die casting career days, I worked 76 straight days without a day off and then was graciously given ONE day to relax and try to accomplish something I enjoyed. So, today I thought Deb and I would spend the day together making up for lost time during the week. Maybe go to Menards or Lowes to pick up some things Ive been wanting and then some dinner and a movie, but that wasn't meant to be. I probably see her maybe fifteen minutes a week because of my shift and I actually miss not being with her. I forgot that today was the day she and her sister Becky (the Glover Queen) traveled to Pinckney for a baby shower for one of their cousins daughter and she will be gone most of the day.

Years ago when she would be gone for the entire day or even an hour for that matter, I was out the door before she was a mile down the road. But, not anymore. Must be an age thing. Hell, I would be consuming my favorite beverage at my favorite watering hole, playing golf or just blowing off the day and not accomplishing a damn thing. I guess getting trashed was accomplishing something, but wasn't getting me any points with the little woman. I was disappointed that she wasn't going to be home, but than I thought, I'll surprise her by doing the chores around the house that she would normally do and maybe go out this evening after she'd rested up from partying with the relatives she never sees and playing baby games all afternoon.

Knowing Deb, you know what a stickler she is on house cleaning and no matter how hard I try and how good of a job I do, it just isn't the same as when she does it. Do you know anyone that has ever taken the vacuum into the basement and sucked out cobwebs from the rafters? I never did until I married her. And, I've never seen a cobweb in the basement at all. I've never looked, but maybe there might be a stray web or two somewhere down there, but I doubt it. Not that she isn't appreciative of the work I do around here, but she once walked into the bedroom after I made the bed, looked at it and smoothed out a wrinkle on the bedspread. Is that sick or what? Was that a Princess and the Pea thing?

Now I don't want to pat myself on the back, but if I don't, no one else will. These are just a few of the things I did today while the little woman was out doing whatever they do at baby showers.

1. Drove to town and picked up ingredients to make Stacy's Northern Macaroni and Cheese.
(If you'd like the recipe, give me a buzz, it's great)

2. Cleaned/dusted/vacuumed and picked up the entire house.

3. Swept and washed the kitchen/dining room floor (on my hands and knees no less).

4. Changed the oil in my tractor and it's now ready ease my yard work burdens.

5. Washed and folded three (3) loads of clothes.

6. Played with History

7. Started picking up debris from the yard.

8. Watched golf.

9. Began to design a water feature that will look like a mountain stream with underwater lighting. This will also double as a barrier on the middle deck instead of a railing, so my idiot friends won't step off of it and sue me. This will be a major project, but will look so cool when I'm finished. Here's a few pics to prove I did something. If I'm lying, I'm dying.

I love spring time and with the weather so nice out today, I sat out on the deck (between chores) looking out at the field as the deer were wandering out of the woods and wild turkey were walking around. But, along with the warm weather comes added work and pushing the ripe old age of 60, I may need some help with one project that I have to do. Check your calender and make a note, that around the end of May, once I power wash the decks, I'll be throwing a 'Deck Staining Party' and you're all welcome to attend. Hell, I'll supply everything and even feed your ass as well. It doesn't get any better than that. Now you may be asking yourself, "What is J.E. going to do tomorrow since he's worked his old ass off all day?" Well, if the weather's as nice as it was today, I'll be playing 18 and then kick'n back on the deck, listening to some Classic Rock and sipping Iced Tea and thinking, it's good to be alive and living on Boody (Highway, that is).

Does My Wife Cook For Me or What?????

Working afternoons is really throwing my off eating habits. I was used to having great meals prepared by my lovely wife at night when I came home from work. Now, there's a different scenario here at the House Of J.E. Deb doesn't cook like she used to since I'm not home in the evenings and if she decides to cook something great for dinner, I'm treated with fantastic leftovers when I get home. One night, she prepared one of my favorite dishes, Chicken with Mushroom sauce over rice and I ate like a king for dinner and lunch the following day. Some nights, she has a steak thawed out for me to grill or cook and other times it's up to me to fend for myself.

Like last night, she said that she had prepared some BBQ boneless ribs for me and made a cherry pie. All night, I could envision munching on a huge rib sandwich smothered in BBQ sauce and a slice or two of cherry Pie to top it off. But, when I walked in the door I didn't smell the aroma of ANYTHING. To my surprise, there was a note on the counter saying that my ribs were in the freezer and the pie was on the side counter. Apparently, Deb and one of her favorite pastry friend, Mrs. Smith, worked feverishly into the evening to make me a pie, and my boneless BBQ rib sandwich was in a box to microwave. But, I wasn't upset about it (too much). She works all day herself and it's a chore to think of things to cook for herself and me for later in the evening. I really don't expect her to have some tasty morsel for me to eat when I come home, but come on, a $0.99 BBQ Rib Sandwich in a box.

After waking up today at 11:30, I thought I'd make something tasty for lunch, but didn't want to start making something that would take an hour or longer, so after scouring the freezer, I ended up with, you guessed it, something frozen again.

Deb mentioned me the other night that she was really in the mood for some fish and had picked up some Cod to cook for me tonight when I got home, and if she were sleeping all I'd have to do is re-heat it in the oven. While retrieving one of the 5 for $5 Totino's Pizza from the freezer, I thought I'd take the fish out and get the thawing process started. I looked high and low and didn't see the Cod she was talking about and then I spotted it. Can you picture the expression on my face when I bent over and picked up the Cod she was so anxious to have.

Now that my stomach is full, I should stop writing and get my lunch box packed for work. Have I also mentioned that because of the 'Frozen Food Diet', I've lost almost 30 pounds? Now I'll be able bend over the golf ball when I play.

Hide and Seek (sort of)

As you all know, I'm not much of a hunter of wild game, although I have been forced to go out a few times. I just don't like to kill, hurt or wound some defenseless animal that's done nothing to me personally or have threatened my family in any way, except that raccoon of course. I just don't get off sitting in a tree waiting for a mammal to cross my path and then blast the shiiiiiiit out of it. I'm a D-troit boy, born and breed. When we carried a gun, it was used for one thing and one thing only, to bust a cap in yo sorry ass, plain and simple. You didn't see my friends in the 'Hood' suit up for Opening Day. Hell No! We were still playing football at Ellis Park on 11/15 of every year. When we went looking for 'Fresh Meat', it was of the two legged variety.

While Deb and I were up Norf over the weekend, I went into town between games to check out a kayak I'm thinking about buying at Jay's Sporting Goods. While in there, I was browsing the store and overheard two hunters next to the camouflage clothing. They were saying how they are 99.99% invisible to the little varmints they hunt and that got me thinking.

No matter where I hide in the house when Debbie has work for me to do, she finds me. I even hid in the garage rafters one afternoon to avoid her, but she sniffed me out somehow. So on a whim, I purchased a pair of lightweight camouflage pants, a shirt, hat and gloves. Then on the way home, I stopped at JoAnn Fabric and picked up a bolt of material that was a pretty close match my earlier purchase. Arriving back at the cabin, I hid my things in the Jeep and went inside and continued to party with my relatives. It was the WEEKEND.

Earlier today (Monday) Deb had a dentist appointment and said before she left, that she had some 'chores' for me to do, but wanted me to wait until she got home to 'instruct' me. I wasn't about to let that happen and I had to work fast, so I put my plan in motion. I took the bolt of fabric and headed to the family room and recovered the couch. She hardly ever goes into the dungeon and doubt she's even aware what color material is on the couch. She said she'd be back around noon and time was running out. I then slipped into my new duds, kicked on a movie and waited for her to return.

I heard the garage door open and I jumped on the couch. She walked into the kitchen and instantly started calling me. I heard her up in the bedrooms, "Jim?" Then the living room, the dinning room and kitchen, "Jim?" Hell, I even heard her open the door to the garage and say, "You better not be hiding up in those rafters again." Then the true test came. I was as still as I could be, trying not to breath or move. "The Ass left the T.V. on again." I heard her say, as she stood directly in front of me. "Where the hell is he?, I'll find that loafing poor excuse of a man I married, twice."

It was working, I was invisible. But, I couldn't resist screwing with her for a little bit. I started making little animal noises and she lost it. She spun around the room trying to spot the intruder and with speed of which I've never seen from her, she was up the stairs into a 'safe zone'. I just laid there with a smile on my face, watching the T.V. she never turned off. I did hear her say from up stairs that no hiding place would ever escape her and she'd hunt me down like the dog I was. Now I just hope I don't snore.

St. Patty's Day Up Norf

With the weekend off, Da-Bra-Less and I headed Norf to Gaylord for a little relaxation at Becky Sue Teel's, along with Steve and Stacey. We couldn't leave until Saturday morning, but it was a nice drive with very little traffic to negotiate on I-75. The cruise control was set on 85 mph and with Deb behind the wheel, maneuvered the Jeep effortlessly down the highway. It was St. Patrick's Day and we anticipated going out for the evening with the 'Fam' for some good ole Irish cooking, a shiiiiit load of drinks (Iced Tea for J.E) at the local Irish Pub in Gaylord. And after tearing up the town, some long over due partying back at the cabin.

Becky, Steve and Stacey had already started partying without us at a neighbor's across the street and were heading back to the cabin when we arrived. I managed to carry up all the suitcases Debbie brought for a one nighter, as she managed to bring in the pillows she brought. It was great seeing everyone, and it's been a couple of months since we've all gotten together. I was even more pleased when Becky asked me if I wanted to 'Pick some Clover'. And why not, it was a day for celebration. I was amazed with the weather as cold as it's been up Norf, that she was able to grow such a nice crop. Instead of heading to the Pub as we thought for dinner, Becky surprised everyone with some St. Patrick Day Enchiladas' and other assorted Irish goodies to go with the St. Patrick Day's theme.

March Madness was in the air and we ate, laughed, watched the games and ate some more. At halftime of the Spartan game, we gathered up the drinks and headed across the street to party with a neighbor and finish up watching my beloved Spartans lose. I was disappointed, but the Wings were on next and that took away my pain for a little while. After a couple more hours of laughter and stories of the younger days growing up at the cabin, we headed back across the street to the cabin for a bedtime snack of, you guessed it, Enchiladas.

I hated to get up this morning and head home, but it was worth the drive Norf to be with family and friends. We need to do this more often, the clock is ticking the batteries are running out of juice. I'm glad that I have had such a wonderful family to party with for 36 years. I couldn't ask for a better family to marry into. You guys are the best and I love you all.

It's Finally Finished and Up

"Deb", I said, as I was coming up from the basement into the 'Dungeon' carrying the project I described in a previous blog, "I'm ready to start hanging this and if you want to come down and 'SUPERVISE' my measuring, feel free." "Don't even think of starting without me." I heard her say as she hauled ass from the living room, "You' know you can't read a tape measure and you'll have it hung cockeyed and they're be holes all over the wall except where they're suppose to be. Don't you remember what happened when you put that dresser together?"

"You're so full of shiiiiiiiiit." I said softly. "What did you say, Jim?" She yelled back. "I said, you're right, I'll have to admit." I said, please with my quick comeback. "Hurry up, golf is on in twenty minutes. and I want to watch the final round, have something to eat and kick back. Then I'll finish up taking the Christmas lights down like you wanted. What are you going to do today?" Her response frighten me when I heard her say, "Probably just help you clean my car or just rest." Thinking fast on my feet, I said "Just rest and enjoy the day, Hon, I'll take care of EVERYTHING." After measuring a couple of times, the wall hanging went up nicely and looked good, or as I always say, good enough for who it's for. She filled it with plants, stood back and and said, "Nice job, I'll think of something else you can make me." How lucky can one guy be?

The day was beautiful and I was finally able to get outside and do some of the outside tasks I've been putting off because of the cold weather. Finally all the Christmas lights and decorations are off the house and put away and with Debbie off my back for a few hours, I managed to catch 40 winks in my recliner while she was busying herself upstairs working on a poster for her classroom. "What are you making Deb, a flag?", I asked rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "It's a poster of The Cat In The Hat." she beamed, as she rolled up another piece of paper and glued it on cardboard. "Looks like a flag to me." I said and grabbed bag of chips and retreated to the 'Dungeon' for a golf update and a little more shut eye. Damn, I love the weekends.

Please Help

I don't usually do this, but I felt the need to share this with my fellow bloggers. Although Deb and I no longer have a dog, I know that some of my loyal readers own Chihuahuas and because of that, this story really hit home.

I know most of you are dog lovers and will help this poor woman. Our neighbor has lost her Chihuahua and is desperate to find him. She does a lot of traveling and always takes her dog Max with her. Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV and she called for Max, but he didn't heed her command as usual. She continually called out for her puppy and then noticed the back door was open. Max is 3 yrs old and an inside dog and she is frantic. She has been putting up signs everywhere around the Eaton Rapids and Charlotte area in hopes that someone would spot the little fellow. If you see this dog, please let me know and I will notify her immediately. Your help would be greatly appreciated.

"Jim, Build This For Me, TODAY!"

"Jim, I saw a cool wall hanging in a magazine and decided I want you to make it for me. It's a mirrored window flower box made out of wood, and I want to hang it on the family room wall?" I heard Deb say as I was kick'n back in my recliner, sipping my favorite beverage, munching on snacks and watching a little golf. "You know" I retorted, "I'd love to do that for you Sweetheart, but as you can see, I'm sitting here in a shiiiiiiiit load of pain. That's why you bought me a magnetic wrap around heated back brace isn't it, to sit here and relax? Haven't you noticed I've been hunched over like an 80 year old man, or do you think I've just looking for something I dropped for the past eight months? And besides, I don't have the wood necessary to build a project of that magnitude." "Sure you do." she said, "And besides, you've rested long enough."

"I went into the basement," she continued, "and up in the supports there was wood enough to build a shed. So, I took the liberty of taking some different sizes down and laying them on your tool bench. I believe you have enough material there to build what I want, and I've even drawn up a rough sketch for you to go by. It will give you something to do to take you mind off all the pain you claim you're having. By the way, I'm not feeling well, so I'm going upstairs to take a nap. I also took some paint out and want you to paint it the same color as you did on the lower family room wall. Oh yeah by the way, don't wake me and Good Luck."

I walked down to the basement and surer than hell, there's different types of wood lying on my tool bench along with a drawing that looked like chicken scratching that resembled a window. No measurements, just a drawing a 2 yr. old would do. There were some 2x4's, a couple of 1x6's, a small piece of plywood, and some oak molding I used for the upstairs bathroom four years ago. Apparently, she thought I would be able to put all these different size pieces into a box, say some magic words, and Waa La, wood for a window frame would miraculously appear. After studying her dimensionless 'sketch', I went into the garage, found some lumber I was going to use for something else, and 'The Project' was a go. First the frame, then the mirror and finally the flower box portion. My creation, or I should say hers, was taking shape and looking pretty close to her meaningless doodling.

Finally, after a few hours, her scribbling was starting to become a reality and wasn't looking bad, even if I have to say so myself. It's been a couple of years since I've done any woodworking and I was somewhat apprehensive about starting this project, but glad I did. I still have to do a couple of small details to finish up, but it will be completed by tomorrow. If I didn't need her help putting it up on the wall, I'd surprise her with it, but you know Deb. She'll be there as usual to supervise and I welcome it (sometimes). But, why should she care, she never goes into the family room anyway and lovingly calls it the Dungeon. So now you're probably asking yourselves, "What's the next 'Project' J.E. will be doing, now that he is back in the crafts game?" Well, a wrap around tree bench by the horseshoe pits for one, a deck and French doors off our upstairs bedroom, a flowerbox/fountain on the middle deck where the hot tub is scheduled to go. But as you and I both know, it will be WHATEVER THE HELL DEB TELLS ME. I'll be sure and add a pic of the completed project to my next post, when it's up on the wall of the Dungeon, filled and flowing with foilage.

Just to be on the safe side though when you come over, I wouldn't sit underneath it, JUST IN CASE.

Can't Seem To Get Away

One thing I want to do is get the hell away from Eaton Rapids, if only for the day. These afternoons are kicking my ass and even though I'm off this weekend, I thought a little trip down the Grand River, away from E.R. town would be just what the doctor ordered. With the kayak shoved through the sunroof of the Honda, I set sail, or I should say Kayak, on a chilly wintry day. I was looking forward to viewing all the wonderful sites along the banks of the seldom used Grand River and getting away from the only Eaton Rapids On Earth if only for a few hours.

Years ago, 'The Mighty Grand' as it was known to the local inhabitants, was the only means other than horseback, to get to the quaint little town of Eaton Rapids. Traveling back in time, you'd see Indians and settlers alike sitting along the banks of the Grand, smoking the 'peace pipe' and drinking 'Fire Water', something the locals still do today, minus the Indians of course, unless they're from Cleveland.

I paddled for what seemed like hours without seeing a living sole, with the exception of an occasional bird and the splash of a carp. As I maneuvered my yellow craft around boulders and fallen trees, enjoying the solidute of the day, something caught me eye. My first thought was deer, coming out of the woods to drink at the waters edge, but then I heard a sound I thought I recognized, a truck. Beaching my craft, I walked the snow covered banks to the plateau above hoping that I was wrong and then realizing I wasn't.

I never left town.