Becky Sue is Niffty Fifty

About a month ago, before I started back to blogging, our own Becky Sue, wife of Rick, Mother to Molly and Kellen, Sister to Debbie, Steve and Scott and Sister in Law to Stacey and myself, J.E., turned the Big Five O. One day when Deb and I were at home, Molly called and said that she and Kellen were planning a surprise birthday party for their Mom and since we were their favorite Aunt and Uncle, they of course wanted us there and said that we could have one of the upstairs bedrooms if we came. Well hell, that was better than sleeping on the hide-a-bed, so I told her that we wouldn't miss it for the world and what could we bring to help her out. Then I found out that they actually couldn't get anyone to commit and we were the last ones on the list. Molly said that if people knew that Aunt Deb and Uncle Jim were going to be there, then everyone else would show up. Now is that an M.S.U. grad or what?

As we walked into the cabin ready to party, Kellen, Molly and the Birthday Girl were sitting on the couch wondering why people were starting to arrive at the cabin until Molly said, "Damn, I forgot that we were having a party for Mom." Not to worry. This family is a partying family and it doesn't take much to get one going and lucky for Becky, we all brought gifts. Apparently, the word had spread that Deb and I were going to be in Gaylord that day and more and more, relatives and friends were starting to show up along with people that no one knew. They just saw cars in front of the cabin and figured it was par-TAY time. Debbie brought 150 Jello Shots for herself, but decided she'd better give one to the Birthday Girl. Becky opened presents and pretended to like them all, but later told us that she like the Sister Angels that Debbie told me to buy the best. Then I heard her tell Stacey she like the tea pot that Stacey bought her the best. Then she told me that I was the best gift she could have gotten. OK, I made that one up.

Jennifer and Eddie drove up, and Stephanie, who was going to ride up with them had to work that day and drove up separately. Tori drove up from Lake State and Steve, Stacey and Jami came in from Cadillac for the event.

Neighbors came to pay their respects, I mean wish her a Happy Birthday, pound down several brewskis, have some snacks and pound down more brewskis. The only good thing for me about not drinking any longer, is that no matter what day you wake up, you're feeling great, unless you're sick with the flu or something. When I walked downstairs the following morning, the scene was like something out of Animal House. Everyone that was up, looked like they've been on a ten day drunk, and believe me, I do know what that's like. People were walking around at a slow pace, half laying/half sitting on the couches and chairs, heads on the dining room table. Novices!

The party was fantastic and it was an honor to be there for Becky's 50th birthday. She's a class act and a wonderful Sister in Law, even though her golf game leaves a lot to be desired. I know that she had a wonderful birthday and of course, we our love you Becky Sue.

YOU CAN TAKE THE BOY OUT OF DETROIT, BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE DETROIT OUT OF THE BOY

It all started in early March, when the first of many emails started to arrive in my In Box, talking about an April golf outing around my neck of the woods. After hundreds of 'Bring yo cash, I'm kick'n yo ass' emails, it was decided that April 5th would be the designated date to kick off what we hoped would be the first of many fun times together. The weather didn't do us wrong either for the first 2008 Parkman Brothers (minus 1) Golf Outing. I arrived early so I could sneak on the putting green before the others arrived and get in a little warm up to increase my odds. But, as I was chipping 30' wedge shots onto the 5th green at Country Town Golf Course, a Mercury SUV pulled up and I heard, "You can do that all day, but I'm still taking yo cash, Bitch." CAUGHT! After we greeted each other with our traditional hand shakes and Manly Hugs, we headed to the Club House to pick up some 'Course Refreshment' and headed in the direction of the first tee. Even before getting there, the laughter and the insults had already begun. The Boys were in town and ready to play. Winter was officially over as far as we were concerned. The Parkman Brothers were together once again. At that moment, it seemed like we had all traveled back in time, back to being 12 years old in Detroit, when we all got off a bus at Rouge Park Golf Course, carrying a bag of mis-matched clubs for our first official golf lesson. Who knew then, that after that first encounter on a REAL golf course, we'd all still be best buds and playing this silly ass game 48 years later.

As all golfers know, the first tee is the worst because everyone is watching you tee off. You know that if you don't hit a somewhat decent first drive, everyone that is standing there is going to hoot on you big time. I can't remember who teed off first, but by the end of all of our first drives, two balls went left, with one landing on wrong fairway and the other one landing on the wrong green 75 yards to the left. One ball did fly straight and true, but only with a total distance of maybe 50 feet and stopped. The fourth drive went into the pond to the right and the fifth one flew into the trees and was lost forever. MULLIGANs for everyone. The golf season has officially begun and what better way to start it off than with five life long friends. Years ago while on one of long weekend outings up Norf, we found a skull that had a hole in top of it and we purchased a flask to fit inside and fittingly named it the 'Death Flask'. We bring it with us on each and every outing and ceremoniously take a drink honoring each of the surviving Parkman Brothers prior to each game. The 'Death Flask' has each of our initials and birth dates engraved on it, although mine is wrong. So, if you send me a gift on 8/16, it should have been here on 8/12 and you'd be late. Just letting you know because I wouldn't want you to feel bad thinking you missed it. Don't thank me now, just thank me with a nicer gift than you were going to get me. Hey, you're all invited to my Big SIX OHHHHHH Birthday party, if anyone decides to give me one.

THE 'DEATH FLASK'

After golf, we headed to Springport for a nice lunch at the Hotel Bar, and continued to laugh and talk about everything that's been going on since we last saw each other a month ago. Things like, has anyone had seen so and so, who was that teacher that smacked you up side the head? What was our kindergarten teacher's name? But the funny thing was, one of us would remember and the stories would continue non-stop. Usually when it's my turn to host an outing, we head back to my house afterwards for a BBQ. Debbie cooks a wonderful meal and has everything ready when we arrive and I throw the meat on the grill. BUT, I give all the credit to my lovely wife for making everything perfect for my friends. After a few hours at the bar laughing our asses off and talking old times, we said farewell. They headed back to Saline, Livonia, Canton and Northville. And me, ha-ha, a fifteen minute drive back to Eaton Rapids. I was home napping on the couch by the time they hit I-94. It was a great day that was spent with great friends. It doesn't get any better than that. That night when I checked my email, there was already an email and a response about when and where the next outing would be. THE SAGA CONTINUES

The last weekend in April or the first weekend in May, depending on the weather, I'll be up Norf with my two lovely Sister in Laws, Becky 'Footwedge' Teel and Stacey 'I'm not playing if it raining' Osborn, for our annual In-Law Golfing/Bonding/Partying long weekend. Hopefully, Deb will join us so she can drive my cart and bring her now famous Jello Shots. This too is always a great fun weekend with plenty of laughter and good times.

Damn, It's been a while

It's been quite awhile since I wrote in my blog and I apologize for not keeping up with the B.S., I haven't an excuse. Stephanie keeps telling me, "Dad, I check your blog page every other day or so and you haven't written one in a long time." Well, I checked and I believe the last one I did was for G.G.'s 100th Birthday party in Cadillac.

Actually, not much has been going in my old life. I'm sure that the 6 people that read this sh-t know that Jennifer and Eddie were married. Jennifer is the Office Manager at National City Bank and is also acting Manager as the current Manager just resigned. Stephanie has just received a promotion at her place of employment and it looks as if she may be doing some traveling in her new position to meet with clients. She still comes over and raids our freezer before she leaves to go back to her place in Lansing. She's having her upstairs attic fixed up to become her bedroom and using her downstairs bedroom for whatever. Debbie is still mean to me and you all know that I'm not deserving of any of any of it.

I still have my good and my bad days because of my back. Some days when the pain isn't so intense, I think that I'm starting to be on the mend and start doing things that I used to do, but soon realize that my back isn't healed and I was a fool for trying. One thing though, I don't have the severe stabbing pains as often that I was experiencing almost everyday of my life. But you know, compared to what some other people have that can't be cured, my back problems are nothing in comparison. I'm positive that one day soon I'll be back to my same old perverted self, and it can't come too soon for me.

On Saturday, all but one of my grade school buddies from Detroit are coming up and we're going to head over to Springport to play some golf. Well, I'm going to try and play. If I can't, I'll just ride along in the cart and B.S. with my friends. The six of us have been Best Bud's since Kindergarten, playing football, baseball and hockey together, learning to golf together and just plain ass hanging around and chasing women together. These guys are like my brothers, but without having to put up with their bullsh-t twenty four hours a day. It's too bad we don't live closer to each other so we could hang even more. This picture was taken up North at Sandy's (lower right, next to me) second home at Nub's Nob at Harbor Springs when we do our Annual Up Norf Golf Outing.

Debbie decided that after she completely changed the looks of our bedroom and one other bedroom upstairs and painted the upstairs bathroom (pronounced Baff-room - if you're in her Third Grade Class in Jackson), that MY Baff-room off the family room needed to be completely re-done also. So, since I'm a sh-tty painter in her book, she painted that also (I did the taping). While out looking at paint, I saw a bedroom that was done in two colors and demanded (begged) to have my baff-room done in the same colors and surprisingly, she agreed (after promising her I'd rub her feet for a week). I had visions of finally changing the looks of things that were on the walls and making it a 'Manly Room', with things a man loves doing. I could see pictures of my kayaking trips in descending frames next to the window, my backpacking trips with Steve and golfing trips with my friends on another wall, you know, MANLY STUFF, but it was not to be. I have little green duck soap from our trip to Memphis when we stayed at the Peabody, two figurines of George and Martha Washington that her Grandmother made, and things I don't even have a clue what they are. She doesn't even go down there except once a week, maybe. But, she did a fantastic job and I have to admit, I am a sh-tty painter and couldn't have come close to her accomplishment. In my book, she is indeed a Sh-t House painter.

There is something that has been bothering me for some time now and I can't find the answer to the question. If anyone of the six people that read this knows the answer to the question I seek, it will be greatly appreciated...... If conjoined twins participate in sports, are they counted as one or two players?

G.G.'s 100th Birthday Party

A huge party was thrown in Cadillac, MI. on August 11th 2007 to celebrate the birthday of Stacey's Grandma. She was the life of the party and why not, she was turning 100 years young. Known as G.G. to everyone far and wide, she arrived to a crowd of cheering relatives and friends, some of whom traveled from Washington D.C. just to be in attendance.

Can you imagine what it would have been like to start your life off in 1907. You probably couldn't have called anyone to tell them you just had a daughter because only 8% of all U.S. homes had a phone.

You'd either have to send a telegraph or saddle up your horse and spread the word of your daughter's birth. There were only 45 states when G.G. was born. Alaska, Hawaii, Arizona, New Mexico and Oklahoma were just territories. Television wasn't even an idea yet, let alone a reality and radio as an entertainment was unheard of. Baseball was the National Pastime, only because Basketball, Football and Hockey weren't even a sport. Coca-Cola still contained cocaine, and you could buy Heroin, Morphine and Marijuana at any of your larger drugstores over the counter.

Even some celebrities were spotted in the crowd. Do you remember Phil Donahue? Well, he was there minus 'That Girl', Marlo Thomas. I asked him where she was hiding and he just looked at me and said, "Where's the keg?" I told him that if he wanted to drink, he'd have to help set up the tent and then he could drink until it was a floater. He jumped right in and worked up a sweat. He was heard saying afterwards, "Damn it, this is only a half barrel!"

How about Bo Derek? Remember her in 10? she was not only MY woman, but every healthy male over six years of age. She was stepping out of the pool on Friday afternoon and I stopped dead in my tracks. I thought, "Jim Bo, if you play this bad back angle up to Bo, you could probably get her to rub your back and probably get lucky tonight." Then as I took a closer look, I realized it wasn't Bo Derek at all, but my own lovely wife Debbie. Deb and I arrived on Friday afternoon to get a jump on the par-Tay and enjoyed the afternoon swimming hitting golf shots and catching up with Steve. Stacey, her sisters and her side of the family were at Torch Lake on three pontoons.

Everyone there had a great time at the party and G.G. enjoyed seeing and talking to everyone. She had plenty of grandchildren and great grandchildren there along with all of us that love her. She is full of history and wit and also, a wonderful lady.

A Laid Back Sometimes Blogger

Good morning to all my Blogger Brothers and Sisters. I woke up this morning feeling great. One reason was that I was still breathing and, I was laying next to my lovely wife, and she was still breathing also. The second reason was, it was the 32nd day that I have not had a cigarette. July 1st, I went to my doctor and asked him to prescribe Chantix, a medication that blocks the receptors in your brain which the nicotine attaches itself to (according to Dr. Wulff). I can't tell you how great I feel. My back still hurts like hell though and I can only sit or stand for 30 minutes at a time before the pain is unbearable, but I'M NOT SMOKING and have no cravings for one. I'm really proud of myself and so is Deb and the girls. I've gotten over the 'hump' and that was the biggest part. The stuff really works. Now, I just have to get Debbie to try this miracle drug, not only for her health, but think of the money we could save if both of us were to quit.

I used to say to Deb, I'm going to quit smoking and the money I'll save from it will make a tractor payment. She'd say "You show me you can quit and then we'll see." I'd be all pumped up and maybe quit for a day. What I did tell her this time though was, I want the money I'd spend for a carton of cigarettes for myself, to put in a special bank account and when I want something, I'll have the money to buy it. That hasn't happened yet and I figure she owes me $200 for the month of July. So by next July, I'd have approx. $2,400 in my 'special account' to take a nice trip somewhere. And if she quit, she'd have enough saved to go with me. Her choice.

I never leave my patio cushions out during the night when there is a chance of rain. They've claimed scattered showers, isolated showers and storms for a month and we haven't had a drop. I've been taking my cushions in nightly, just in case the weather man is right for once. Last night, we got home late and the forecast for today was, possible showers late, and my back was hurting so badly, I just left the cushions out and would take them later today. I walked downstairs this morning and I couldn't believe it. IT WAS RAINING and my cushions were soaked. EIGHT CHAIR CUSHIONS AND TWO LOUNGE CUSHIONS SOAK. I can't think of the proper words to use for how I felt, so I'll just say, I WAS PISSED. For a month, I've taken them into the garage at night and the one time I leave them out, it rains. Once again, the weather man was wrong. That has be the best job in the world to have. Everyone knows it's always the opposite of what they say. If they say it's going to be sunny, it rains. If they call for rain, it's sunny. God, I hate those people. But they say it's suppose to be 93 tomorrow, so maybe the weatherman will have it right for once and I can throw all the cushions over the railings and they'll dry off. A-holes!

I had to retire my little blue Honda. It was on it's last legs and I couldn't trust it to start if I needed to go anywhere. It did me right for a car that had almost 235,000 miles on it. 'Old Blue' was getting tired and letting me know it. One day it would start and the next day it wouldn't. So, I purchased another car. Although this car is used, it is in perfect condition and I hope that it performs just as well as 'Old Blue'. I was out for lunch with my Detroit Brothers last week and I drove to Saline met with one friend and he drove to Ann Arbor to hook up with the other two. He has several vehicles and he picked me up in his Lexus and it had a For Sale sign on it. This was the first time I've seen the car and it was lovely. It had everything imaginable in it, like new and only 66,000 miles on it. I told Debbie that night what a great deal this was and the car was in mint condition and she said "Do what you want." I was shocked. So, I called up my buddy and I was driving it the next day. According to the computer records of the vehicle, an old woman in Florida first own it and drove it 7,000 mile. She then sold it to another old lady in Florida who drove it 33,000 miles. Then my buddy who has condos in Florida bought it and put 26,000 miles on it, keeping it in his garage from October thur May covered up. According to him, no one has ever smoked in it. Since I no longer smoke, I was pleased that it didn't have a smoky smell and told Deb that I would really appreciate it if she didn't smoke in it. We drove to Ann Arbor to pick the car up and Deb wanted to drive home and I followed in the Jeep. Fifteen minutes later, I saw her arm shoot out the window and a cigarette shot pass me on the expressway. She couldn't even wait an hour to light up. Not only did I see her arm protrude from the window once, but FIVE TIMES. So, if you do the math, that would be one cigarette every twelve minutes. She was the first person to smoke in that car, EVER. Unreal! But, she promised never do it again, yeah right. Paybacks will be hell.

Friday, I'm going to the Lions exhibition game with my Detroit Buddies and then on Saturday, we're heading to Cadillac for Stacey's grandma's birthday party, she'll be 110 years old. Wonder what it's like to be that old? She's seen a lot in her lifetime. She's a huge Tiger Fan and I thought about calling up the Tigers and ask if they would be willing to give an autographed ball to her for her 100th. But, I waited to long and besides, once I got it, I'd probably keep it for myself. Not really. So, if anyone knows what to get a woman that is a century old, let me know quickly.

Blog-ingly,

J.E.